Life of a Coward
May 31, 2012
A coward is a coward and they will never change. Living in a life afraid of saying what they feel and afraid of acting on those feelings. A life of little conflict, but a life of no emotion. A life not lived to the fullest. A life afraid to laugh and a life afraid to cry. A life afraid to let anyone get too close for fear of having to pull out emotions they are too afraid to access. They can get a job, they can get a spouse, they can achieve a basic level of happiness, but a happiness that exists only on the surface. Nothing reaches deep, because they are too afraid to let anything get deep. A coward is a life of being afraid to attack things with a proud stance and a strong arm. A coward rather curls up in the corner hoping to avoid conflict altogether. Where is the living in that? A coward is a coward and nothing can change that. Not any words, not any person, not any situation.
(Source: basicallymysoul.tumblr.com\)
What Girls Think About During Baseball Games
May 30, 2012
For the sake of my readers who probably hear too many of my deeply thought out and meaningful works of art, I decided to go a different direction with my writing for the day. Today’s writing is called “What Girls Think about During Baseball Games.”
I’m not about to deny the truth. I DON’T DO SPORTS. Why do you think I’m sitting here writing? If I watched sports I would not be writing. End of story. And I do realize there are plenty of girls out there who follow baseball more religiously than most dudes do, props to you ladies because sports cannot hold my attention for that long! I’m sorry. I get too distracted. Which brings me to my first point:
1) Getting Distracted: during these long 9 inning, baseball games I end up sitting here twiddling my thumbs half the time while the players aren’t playing, even when they are playing… they’re just running! And Hitting stuff. Is it really that fun? See there I go getting distracted. What do I do when I get distracted… I look at the hot men of course! I mean listen, you toss a ton of good looking guys on a field hand them a bat and some tight pants… I’m gonna be looking. And what looks better than a man’s ass in baseball pants? Nothing. That’s right nothing. So my first point
ass ass ass ass ass!
2) Understanding the rules: So I’m sitting here on my couch watching the game and I am trying to understand what’s going on… I really am. But there are too many rules! I can’t keep up with all that! Pshh. So I’m staring at the television trying my hardest to understand what’s going on when all of a sudden a built young man runs across the screen leaving his ass out in the open for everyone to look at!
Ass ass ass ass ass!
3) How Can You Like This: I understand the rules now… You hit the ball with the bat and people run.
… wow. I’m so impressed. This does not hold my interest!!! So I’m sitting there trying to make myself love this tedious sport when all of a sudden you see a man in tight pants run alllll the way across the field to catch a ball.
Ass ass ass ass ass!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I don’t mean to insult baseball. It’s the American pastime and it is quite lovely and entertaining for those of you who participate. But for us ladies out there who have no interest in baseball just know… Ass ass ass ass ass.
(Source: basicallymysoul.tumblr.com\)
Beanies or Baseball Caps
May 29, 2012
Here I am adventuring into brand new territory. It’s a place where skinny jeans and v necks no longer fit in and no longer take the eye. While it is terrifying to venture from looking for those eyes under beanies to looking for those eyes under baseball caps, I feel as if it might be time for a change. My eyes and most importantly my heart seem to fall for those who are made fun of for hiding in a corner with long straight hair and a guitar, but my failed successes have led me to believe my emotions play too great a role in deciding my relationships and I must think of the condition of my heart. Going for a man who is different, deviating from the status quo, maybe I should be adventurous.
On second thought maybe I should choose to simply leave well enough alone and give myself a break. Maybe being “single” is the state in which my heart and mind belong in at the moment. With a career on the edge of my fingertips and hard work to get there the stressors of a relationship could prove to be too much. While I can handle a lot and while I could handle those stressors, what I couldn’t handle would be having my heart broken once again: no not broken but ripped from the now empty cavity it once sat happily in. While eventually I can stitch the wound back together, pain follows. And that pain is something even superwoman can’t handle.
So here is the debate, the debate between leaving well enough alone or the choice to let go for once and simply fall towards what feels right even if it may not be. Both are a gamble and both come with their fair share of positives and negatives. Here’s to hoping I find the balance… wish me luck.
(Source: basicallymysoul.tumblr.com\)
Little Happy Moments
May 28, 2012
A smile of a stranger or a drop of rain. Maybe a kitten’s meow or a bite of the most delicious chocolate chip cookie. A clean room or maybe a new candle. It’s all of the little things that add up to make our days special and unique and most of all filled with happy spirits. Obviously there are those who see past the many small happy things to the few large bad things and let those bad things bring them down. Well those bad things are there for a reason for without them we would not be able to fully appreciate the happiness and joy of those happy and joyful moments we experience.
So often it is easy for us to play poor me. To play the pity card, but in the end we have to remember those little daily things that leave us blessed beyond compare. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, those little things do exist. Those little tiny bits of hope are there, they are simply hiding beyond a couple bad things. But I promise they are there. Look for them. Find them. Seek out those little moments. And also let them come to you.
(Source: basicallymysoul.tumblr.com\)
On the Brink
May 27, 2012
That moment that you realize, you are on your way. When finally after years of putting in the time and effort, your hard work is finally beginning to pay off. After years of listening to people tell you no and after years of feeling like your dreams and talents mean and will amount to nothing have finally given leave, opening up the beautiful moment when you realize that you have finally begun to make it. With a camera in hand, words flying through your head to form intruiging sentences, and of course a press badge to get you anywhere dreams are coming true. The world of authorship no longer seems so outlandish. People all around are making their dreams and wants and desires come true, and just like them I am on my way. It is with much effort though that I accomplish this, for nothing comes easy.
There will be days where exhaustion takes its toll and crawling in a hole seems like the best option. But it is those days in particular that moving forward and working even harder become the best decision.
While the world still has a thousand and half things to teach me and I have even bigger and better things yet ahead, a feel as if it is now becoming all the more tangible and that patience and diligence will be my best friends in grabbing this dream.
(Source: basicallymysoul)
Sleep
May 26, 2012
Sleep, rest, it calls to me like the man to the sea. Here I am looking for just a moment of rest for any semi relaxing place to close my eyes for a moment… or maybe a long moment. A long moment of time to myself, time for shut eye and thought without the intervention of others or their problems. While my time here is well spent spending with others, there is time reserved simply for my and my thoughts and the beautiful insides of my eyelids. With the fluffiest of pillows and the softest of blankets and the hugglebleness of my bear my dreams and relaxation are so close I am here, about to slip into a world that is my own, one in which I hardly remember the day after. The one world in which I don’t mind being out of my mind.
(Source: basicallymysoul)
Memories
May 25, 2012
With one crossing of a threshold I was falling back into the memories and the demeanor of a past stage. Some of the same people even made an appearance pushing me further and futher into the past. The bells brought back memories and it was odd for me. Odd for me to not follow everyone else who was responding to the same familiar bell. This time I was here for a different purpose. What that purpose was is not important, but what was important was the fact that I stood there at the end of that hallway watching all those people who not long ago I was apart of walk toward their respective destinations. I simply stood there. I was not rushing off to my car to be the first out of the parking lot, or hurrying to the auditorium for a rehearsal. I stood there and observed what was once my past. What was once my reality.
The nostalgia came flooding back in the burst of one giant wave that would knock out any pro surfer, with the sight of one face. One person that characterized that whole world for me. His face was the one I constantly searched out in those halls. Not one day went by in that hell hole of classrooms that I did not search the crowd for even a spotting of him. It let me know that I wasn’t here alone… until I was. Even then, even when his life and mine didn’t intertwine, I still looked for his face, for some part of normalcy.
A year later I return and still his presence characterizes that place. It’s as if we can never really leave, we can never really forget. Whenever we come back whether we meet there in person or not, memories of the other will always surface, because that’s who we were in those halls. I was in him and he was in me. There wasn’t one without the other. Even when our lives went separate ways in those halls… we still weren’t really apart.
A year later and there we stood like we always used to, looking at each other with surprise to see the other. A quick hello and a friendly hug back in those hallways.
There I stood at the end of that hallway watching those youngsters make their way out, imagining what it was like back then. And now being thankful that part of my life is over to open it up to new experiences. Though, I will never be able to forget life in those halls. They shaped me. They molded me. They taught me. Through all of the corruption and all of the heartache those halls brought me, they taught me to be strong and to walk with confidence knowing that no matter how much of an outsider I felt, I would find a place in this world.
(Source: basicallymysoul)
Kitten oh Kitten
May 24, 2012
Kitten oh Kitten, where for art thou my kitten?
I lay here in silence and in the cold,
With no furry cuddly friend to keep hold
I reach out to pet your large fuzzy belly
to find there is not one there
My sleep becomes restless oh kitten!
I call your name with not one response to spare
You don’t do much my loving kitten
You sleep away the day and eat away the night
But the love you give is enough for me
Even your love for kneading my tummy.
Half the time I kick you off my bed
Only when I need more space
And all of the time you jump back on
Knowing we can’t the night apart
Kitten oh kitten, where for art thou my kitten?
I need your loving here with me- wait.
Huh
Kitten oh kitten, why must thou eat my golf fish??
(Source: basicallymysoul)
Yearn for Fuzzy Compliments
May 23, 2012
Let my boss give me critiques, let the public tell me it sucked, let me get anonymous complaints, let me get negative new reports. But please oh please dear loved one. None from you.
Dear mother of mine, your words make me turn my head and shut myself out. Your opinion matters that’s why all I want to hear is im so proud of you.
I suppose though, there is a time where I grow from a young pretentious girl into a humble yet tough woman where your nags don’t get to me. Where I look for those “hurrahs” and “its perfect” in loved one’s I know will say what I need to hear.
I will never know why your default setting is to complain or why your opinion must mean the most. But the sad story is simply that you are incapable of accepting the perfection in imperfection and incapable of feeling proud, because to you proud means perfect, but to me being proud of someone is praising their successes despite the imperfections. I will never do your opinion justice. So from here on out my attention goes to those with power and expertise over me and loved one’s who despite my obvious mistakes and imperfections still deem my accomplishments as perfection.
-Nikki
(Source: basicallymysoul)
